Ways to work it out

So we had a long weekend. What did i do? Nothing. Logged in on Friday with the goal of doing some work, ended up having a headache. So plans were abandoned.

then yesterday, my colleague cooked for us bei ji chicken, and he is a guy and of a diff race sommore but he so much more domesticated then the 3 girls he invited over to his place.

So in order to reduce some of the anxiety of going to work tomorrow, I shall be working later today ( in the afternoon) to clear at least my logs so that next week I can concentrate on more important things.

I have to say my sleepless nites are back to haunt me. I don't know if its the job, its me, or whatever.

But i do hope i will find a light at the end of the tunnel real soon. Coz this sleepless nites thingy is definitely going to elevate my BP .....

Anxiety Amounting

This always happens when my vacation is coming to end or even during the weekend esp on Sundays. Anxiousness appears when I am about to get back to work. Is work my problem? or it how I look at work which is the problem?

I am so scared of the huge amount of logs which I have to start reviewing and also not to mention my team member who kept calling me when I was vacation. I have to prep for Tuesdays which I filled with meeting from morning until afternoon.

I think I need a focus outside of work. And not let work be the only thing in my life. Maybe have a personal Goal??? You think?

Pray pray for me.. I can feel the palpitation of the heart going faster and faster.

What Chu Doing?

This sentence : " What Chu doing" keeping on playing in my mind since yesterday.

I was at home at the hall while my little niece was watching the channel nickelodeon - Phineas and Ferb. There is this other character in the show call ISABELLA (and my niece is called Isabel). Isabella kept saying this when she meets people " What chu doing" What chu doing" hahahahaha

This morning that's whats been playing on my mind and I kept repeating it over and over again verbally too. So CUTE!!!!

WHAT CHU DOING?! ( with a sing song tune)

Does Internet Makes you Depress?

According to an article I read in the New Straits Times - Life & Times, yesterday, apparently its so.

I was searching high and low for this article to share with you guys. Finally I found it.

I just wanted to say that, I find some of the facts true. I use to think why everyone else has such nice and dandy life especially when you start reading their blogs. Their lives seems to be so fulfilling esp those living abroad while your life here just feels rotten :) .

Keep an open mind, read this , I think there might be some truth in some of the points stated.

Credit to the http://www.dailymail.co.uk

Yes, the internet DOES make you depressed (and I've seen it happen to far too many clever women)

By Dr Pam Spurr
Last updated at 1:36 AM on 12th February 2010

• Comments (119)
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Anybody meeting my client Anna for the first time would be forgiven for thinking she has a perfect life. She is 29, slim, attractive, well-educated and rapidly climbing the career ladder as a solicitor with a dynamic City firm.

Yet her whole demeanour is nothing more than a well-constructed facade.

Rather than spending her evenings at the latest fashionable restaurant or gossiping over cocktails at a trendy wine bar, Anna instead spends up to five hours a night on her laptop - obsessively tracking the lives of her ex-boyfriend, old friends and acquaintances and work colleagues.

Many people are attracted to leading a second 'life' on the internet

When she isn't glued to Facebook, Friends Reunited or blogs, she is trawling through gossip websites.

At weekends, when Anna has more time on her hands, it's not unusual for her to devote seven-hour sessions to her voyeuristic monitoring of people she is convinced are all leading more exciting and fulfilling lives than she is.

So, when I saw the Daily Mail report last week on new research linking addictive internet use with depression, I wasn't in the least bit surprised.

More...

• Internet 'rewires our brains' and makes teenagers vulnerable to mental illness
• Google Buzz launched in bid to topple Facebook and Twitter

The study found that spending too long online can expose a 'dark side'. Those who didn't previously suffer from depression were made to feel gloomy and vulnerable, and those who did often logged off feeling worse.

Sadly, it confirmed a growing trend I've witnessed first-hand over the past ten years in my work as a life coach and agony aunt.

Because, in line with this research from the University of Leeds, I too have discovered that people slip into the murky realms of 'chasing' after a life - of sorts - by surfing the internet for longer and longer periods until it dominates their moods, behaviour and life.

There appears to be a direct relationship between spending more time online and feeling less happy about life, as well as an increased risk of addiction to the internet.

Let's be honest, though, when most of us think of the stereotypical sad and lonely person who gets addicted to surfing the net, we think of a geeky man who probably doesn't have refined social skills or a high 'desirability' rating. He seeks solace in vicarious thrills such as pornography or visiting tawdry chat rooms.

But, in my experience, the people who are falling victim to internet-led addiction and depression are smart, savvy, career women like Anna - and the damaging effects of spending increasing hours online are far more insidious than you can imagine.

Anna initially consulted me about a relationship issue - she'd been finding it hard to get over the man she called the 'love of her life', who'd broken up with her a year earlier.

Many people slip into the murky realms of 'chasing' after a life - of sorts - by surfing the internet for longer and longer periods until it dominates their moods, behaviour and life

It soon became obvious to me that she was spending too much time on the internet. She confessed that the more time she spent on social networking sites, the stronger her desire grew to keep up with how everyone else was spending their time.

With complete honesty, she said it seemed a darned sight more interesting and fun than what she was up to.

The irony was that she wasn't contacting these people but, instead, compulsively following them. Anna said she hadn't wanted go out with friends because she feared she'd bore them by droning on about her break-up.

Unfortunately, by isolating herself, she compounded the root of the problem, further damaging her fragile self-confidence.

The further irony is that you can never trust the way people depict their social lives on such sites.

Yet someone vulnerable like Anna will fall for it hook, line, and sinker.

Stalking ex-boyfriends and former friends on social networking sites such as Facebook is becoming increasingly common

You might think it extraordinary that she wasn't actually contacting people she knew - choosing to simply watch their lives play out across the pages of a site.

But this fits in with the pattern of emotional detachment that many who spend too much time on the internet begin to feel: that they're no longer part of this vibrant community and are increasingly isolated from real life.

Anna was also embarrassed about spending hours on celebrity gossip sites - previously she'd never even have considered buying a celebrity magazine. However, she found herself getting engrossed in various stories about the rich and famous.

What was the upshot of all this time spent on her laptop? I'll tell you - she was feeling even worse than after the initial break-up, and with a growing loneliness that she said she'd never experienced previously.

She described it as like an ever-increasing 'black hole' inside of her. The more she tried to fill it - by seeing what was happening in other people's lives - the bigger it grew. Yet Anna hated it when she couldn't spend as much time as she wanted to on these sites.

Like Anna, another client of mine, Ellen, a 42-year-old divorced, stay-athome mother of two young children, experienced feelings of withdrawal - anxiousness, panic and rising anger - when she was prevented from looking at sites she spent a tremendous amount of time on. (This was usually three or four hours non-stop during the day once she got the household chores done, and then logging on again for a few more hours once her children were tucked up.)

When so many seemingly capable and sensible women are being sucked into a nightmare of prolonged internet surfing, it's hard not to conclude a serious problem is developing in our increasingly fractured society

For instance, when one of her children was home with a prolonged case of flu in late autumn, constantly interrupting her computer time, Ellen became short tempered with him. She felt dreadful about it later.

Although she originally consulted me about developing the confidence to go back to work, her unhealthy obsession with the internet became the focus of our conversations.

Again, Ellen would strike you as a well-presented and elegant divorcee who probably had to fight off potential suitors - but nothing could be further from the truth.

Although she was fascinated by dating websites, she surfed only the profiles of single men, plus those of other single women who she saw as her 'rivals' - and rivals she felt ill-equipped to compete with.

This doubly damaged her chances of getting out to meet someone and building her confidence to get back to work. She even started to shy away from occasional invitations from old friends to meet a suitable single man they had in mind for her.

Ellen confessed that she'd panic, thinking there was no way they'd like her after the 'amazing women' she'd seen on singles sites.

When so many seemingly capable and sensible women are being sucked into a nightmare of prolonged internet surfing, it's hard not to conclude a serious problem is developing in our increasingly fractured society.

Another case in point is Sarah, 31, whose overuse of the internet started with that very sense of detachment from her normal group of friends, after moving cities for a promotion in the television industry.

Arriving in London having been based in Wales, Sarah was initially excited by the prospect of a new job in a new city. However, long working hours meant she was so shattered when occasionally she had time off, that she rarely took advantage and went back to Wales.

If you end up out of touch with your friends, and too busy to make new ones, it's all too easy to hunch over your laptop for hours at a time.

She found herself trawling fashion and social networking sites. She'd peek at what her old friends were getting up to, and also what her new colleagues were doing in their spare time - and felt incredibly lonely.

Then Sarah would hit the fashion websites and spend much of her salary on clothing. Of course, the brief high she got when new outfits arrived in the post disappeared as soon as she thought about the fact that she had nowhere to wear them.

Obviously, the internet has transformed the way we communicate and has some tremendous benefits, but it will never be a substitute for real relationships or for seeking face-to-face solace in difficult times.

The common thread linking these women was a set of circumstances that damaged their self-esteem and confidence in their own unique way.

For anyone who finds themselves in similar shoes, there's much you can do - as these women all eventually did - to halt a soul-destroying search for 'a life' on the internet.

The first thing is to reconnect with someone you trust and let them know you're lonely. Then it's important to start spending time with people you like. It may mean reconnecting with old friends or developing new friendships.

Either way, it's about recognising how much you've isolated yourself and how your journey back to being part of a social group - even a small one - will be your salvation.

The big stumbling point for many women who end up in a solitary world of the internet is to have the courage to go back to the drawing board and 'reboot' their lives not only socially, but by setting limits on the stresses they place on themselves.

When your days are a little less punishing, you're less likely to seek stress relief in some supposedly 'harmless' internet surfing. Only then will you realise a real life is always more rewarding than a virtual one.

Names have been changed.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1250074/Yes-internet-DOES-make-depressed-Ive-seen-happen-far-clever-women.html#ixzz0fqilVBU7

Ang pow

Best part of CNY, the angpows or the red packet.

I guess alot of the givers would just wish I will get married so they can stop giving me the red packet heehhee. Maybe then they should start praying that I will find someone to get married to.

As years pass tho' I guess my chances gets slimmer and now closing down to the number ZERO chances...

Anyways.. here is the loot for the year 2010 :)

Ash Wednesday

Today is Ash Wednesday. Since I was on leave I went to Mass morning with my mom and brother. Yes, mass was at 6am! So we had to leave home around 5.45am.

Today marks Lent.
Abstinence from Meat..... today....

Now we were reminded, from dust we came and dust we will return... some day in the future. And a symbol of cross made from ashes placed on our foreheads.
The ashes are from the old palms burnt. Palms from Palm Sunday - the year before or many2 years before... donated by the congregation...

Time to sleep....

Dripping in Brand vs $$ in the wallet

I forgot to mention. While I was at the clinic on the second day of CNY. There was a girl there who got in while i was waiting for my turn to see the dr. Early 20s I guess her age was.

She came in bearing a LV bag and took out her prada purse to give the lady some medical card. She was also dressed to the nines.

I went in to see the dr and waited for my medication. Then in she went.

While I was waiting for my medication, the nurse called her to the counter. I guess the nurse must have informed her how much it was blabalbaa. There was some conversation which I couldn't hear. AT one point when i could hear, i thought i heard she asked the nurse whether she could pay by card and flip out one. The nurses just laughed. I guess next she must have asked to borrow the phone. yeahhhhh.. thats rite.
Coz the next moment I know, i saw the nurse handling to her the phone receiver.

She yapped away in mandarin.

So... would rather be dripping in brands or would you rather have money in your wallet. :P

Kong Hee Huat Chai....

SO its the the Chinese New year once again. Today marks the 3rd day of Chinese New Year. Chinese are very superstitious in way. 1st day no sweeping of floors. No uttering of bad things. Everything good can only be said. Must wear RED.

Well I only celebrate the traditions of CNY not really the other parts of it really. So since I don't quite like RED. I din wear red on 1st day of new year :) I was bz helping mom fry fry all the unhealthy stuff like sotong balls, fried chicken... fried sausages.. hahahaa. Just pakai baju rumah aje lah.

While all the happy happy mood around. I also want to share something unfortunate which happened. My cousin who's the same age as me, last year gave birth to a down syndrome child. He has a hole in his heart and alot of other health aliments. He got sick few days before chinese new year hence my cousin couldn't make it to our house this year. he was in the ICU. He went back to the Lord on the second day of CNY which was yesterday. But i think its for the better in a way rather them him suffering all his life.

I came down with Respiratory Track infection on the 1st day of CNY and went to see the dr yesterday. I don't think i am any better but the medication does help with the nasal congestion.

That's what been happening this CNY.

The Story of CS

I was thinking about writing about this along long time ago. :)
but just didn't get to it. Ain't going to go into detail about it either.

But stay tune for the story of CS!!!!

:D

When Will the Blues stop singing

The Blues have been singing again. It just won't go away. Sometimes I wonder tho' what can I do.

Blues blues go away!!!!!

Aiii.. how to go away hor. when everyday I am plagued with issues. I feel stupid, as a TL I need to do kuli job... Review bloody 6 logs everyday where each logs can go up to 5K pages.Mondays are even worse 3*6 thats 18 bloody logs. Bodoh job. Bodoh. Tersangat bodoh. Becoz of this, I have to come back work.. do the ACTUAL work at nite. Stupid i Tell ya TOTALLY STUPID...

The only thing that keeps me going is that i get salary at the end of the month. I see others who are worse off than me, then I say to myself I am lucky.

Another New Year almost Here.. and its not the Gwiloo one.. :)

Okay, I will admit, I have been blardy Lazy. Its not that I haven't got anything to write about. I have and everyday when I am driving or at work, I have all these ideas to write in this blog or my other blog. But alas, the lazy bone got better of me each time.

Also Facebook is not a place for me to do anything no more. Just occasional updates of pictures blablabla, read friends' updates. But I even refrain from putting any sorta of status these days. Too many lurkers. people i don't know that WELL. My initial intention with FB was to have close friends only. But in a way, u feel bad, coz some of them you see them at work blablablabla. U know. If you have known me for some time now, you would know that I am skewed towards a more private type of person.

So with FB these days, its more of playing games only. Too dangerous no? Police lurking there, having FB accounts, having groups, monitoring everybody's move. Aiii.. There is no such thing as Freedom. Don't you just hate it.

As time progresses I think things are just getting worse. Humanity has reached a new level of greed, power craziness... that we i think have not seen before and can expect to be the future norm.

I wonder if I even made sense in my above paragraph. That is just to give you an idea how my mind is sometimes.

So CNY is coming. I haven't done any cleaning. I think first, I need to cleanse my life, my brain, my mind.. first muahahahaa...

Happy CNY... fattt fattt fattt.. and not FAT FAT FAT ok?
So don't eat too much.

p/s looked my face lately. i think I see the ageing process accelerating.... at a faster than normal page. I feel tired all the time.

Bahija!!! sorry ah.. I didn't see your comment until like 2 days ago. Exercise hasn't been goot.. it has been SHEEETTT.. hehehee.. Trying to build the energy for it. Will Send you personal email ya.